When the Door Shuts
Updated: Oct 18, 2018
This January my husband and I found out that I was pregnant with our first child. I cannot even begin to express to you how EXCITED we were to see that little faint line on those pregnancy tests we took. We always heard that you should wait until the first trimester was over to tell people because things can happen…but we didn’t want to live in fear and decided that we were going to tell people. We ran to our family and began telling everyone the news…and then, a few days later there were some issues. I began bleeding and I wasn’t sure why. We called my doctor and were able to get seen…and she told me the words I never wanted to hear: “You’ve had a miscarriage”… Thankfully she said it much more gracefully and gentle than that, but the word “miscarriage” ripped through me like a hot knife.
The door on having this baby was shut and my husband and I were absolutely devastated. The sorrow we felt and still feel I cannot describe…but along with sorrow came another emotion that actually surprised me…Hope.
GOD WILL ALWAYS BE THERE
In our life, Nick (my husband) and I have learned that we HAVE to fully rely on the Lord for everything we need or are going through. Time and time again He has proven Himself FAITHFUL and KIND and LOVING. He takes care of our brokenness, our victories and now, our losses. We have absolute hope that this isn’t the end of our story. Nick and I have a desire to have a huge family and I believe the Lord will fulfill that dream for us…in some way or another.
Does knowing that help make this situation any less painful? Nope. It absolutely SUCKS. But God is good and He knows our hearts. God does not promise that our lives will be easy, but He does promise to BE THERE, even in the deepest and darkest moments.
HAVE OR BE SOMEONE’S SUPPORT SYSTEM
Can I be absolutely real with you all? I am SO glad we decided to tell people about the pregnancy, even though it resulted in a miscarriage. When we got done with the doctor’s appointment we decided to go ahead and tell people right then instead of waiting and dragging out the sorrow…and it was amazing.
My mom hugged me tighter than I’ve ever been hugged and cried with me. My brother and sister-in-law went shopping for comfort food, flowers, got us some of our favorite things and made us a huge tray of Mac and Cheese….my boss and his family had us over to play games and make us laugh because we needed that desperately, and they gave me chocolates and spa items to treat myself after everything. One of my friends out of state sent me flowers and cried with me…. Loving texts and support and prayers were flooding in for hours. Everyone’s encouraging words made us realize how much we are loved and how much everyone loved this baby already.
Did all of this fix the problem or heal the hurt? No…but it helped make us feel whole again and gave us hope that everything was going to be okay, even if just for a moment.
Anyways, I say all of that to say this:
There are going to be moments in your life that are heart-breaking…but you are not alone. God will always be there, and people will always surprise you if you allow them to walk through life with you…We are NOT meant to walk through life alone. We are called to carry one another’s burdens. So if you are hurting, please reach out to those who love you or reach out to people in your church. Let them walk through this with you…trust me, it is so much easier to walk with people than it is to walk alone.