No Longer Mine
Updated: Oct 18, 2018
A couple of years ago I had more than usual on my mind…. Summer and the possibility of my beloved grand visiting.... or not. A co-worker that had decided to stop speaking to me. I had no idea why. A puppy that chewed up my brand new expensive glasses. I wore them not even a week. Paperwork, SAT deadlines, online schooling, health renewal insurance. Two sons with completely different issues. And my issue of fixing their issues. Disappearing friends, a mom overseas, and two conflicting schedules in one house. And they were all churning round and round in my head.
I tried to separate them and put them in neat categories.... but it wasn’t happening. I guess sometimes I needed to just leave things alone, let the kinks work themselves out. I think too much. I am always imagining stuff that could happen. It's hard for me to let things go. I am my own worst enemy.
I let my focus become wavering during these times, throwing me off track of the things I need to be doing. My mind becomes cluttered and unyielding, impossible to do anything in. I should say just forget it; and not care when that happens. But I don't because I do care.
The phrase Life is messy comes to mind; I read an excerpt on a daily post that I get from another blogger. He quotes that "Real life is -messy", and we all struggle. Although his struggle is totally different than mine right now. I get it. He goes on to say that maybe the real tragedy is in not struggling at all............ Hmmmmm, something profound has been revealed to me at this moment as I type. So, I went and found this: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12. I have been, praying a lot, patient a lot and trying to rejoice. I heard in a sermon some time ago that rejoicing is not to be confused with being happy. It's not an emotion but a focused effort. I need to focus on God, not my issues....
He is NOT my back up plan when I can't handle things. A challenge needless to say, because I am human and I don't understand some things. But His peace will surpass all my understanding and guard my heart against these things that I go through. So, I cast all my cares on Him. Those cares that churned in my brain keeping me awake now belong to Jesus- the Prince of Peace.
It's done. I'm done